I had an epiphany last weekend.
I realised that my anxiety, has improved.
This was a huge moment for me!
Just a few weeks ago I was having a discussion with a friend, in which she referenced another friend who did not experience anxiety.
I was like ‘what do you mean?’
And she was like ‘she doesn’t get anxious!’
And I was like, ‘that’s a thing??’
My friend was surprised with my response and asked me ‘don’t you remember what it was like before you had anxiety?’
Well the answer is no.
No I don’t.
Was there ever a time?
I don’t know.
And then I had this moment last weekend. I had been invited out for a friend’s birthday. And I went.
I didn’t know all of the people going.
My friendships with the people I did know are still very new, developing friendships.
I had never before been to the venue.
I had to go alone.
And I WENT!
Holy moly that’s HUGE!
Do you know what would have happened in the past? I would have politely declined the invitation, and stayed at home in my pyjamas!
And there was a time when I would have driven there, sat in th and carpark having a panic attack, and then driven home.
But I WENT!
And I danced!
And I was only mildly anxious.
I had a great time.
And I realised all this while I was on the dance floor, with these wonderful people.
Maybe making these new connections with such wonderful, caring and kind people has assisted me in this journey of healing.
But maybe, I have been able to make these connections because I had worked so hard on overcoming one of the biggest barriers in making those connections.
Now I’m not saying I’m cured. I still have days where I’m freaking out because I’ve put the wrong tone on a text message, or someone hasn’t replied and like, it means they are angry, or worse, hurt! I still panic sometimes, my legs always shake, my mouth is dry, my heart races, my hands tremble, I can’t sleep, or I obsessively check my diary and make lists, to name a few things-
But I’m experiencing times when I don’t feel like that.
I am improving.
And that my friends, is worth celebrating!!!!!