Welcome friends. I know it had been a little while.
So here’s the thing- I have been in a rut. It has been a long one. And to be honest, rut probably is not the right word.
Let’s call it a total identity crisis.
I am becoming a different person. That’s a fact.
I have been changing, for what feels like a really long time now. But I feel like I have been fighting it. Like I have continued to behave the same way and do the same things, even though I feel completely differently.
Sometimes I hear myself say something, and I think ‘I don’t actually believe that’. But it is what I have always said. It is what I have always believed. But I believe different now.
People close to me say things and I am like *gasp* ‘how could you think that?’ And they are like- ‘but you used to think that to??’
Like I said. Identity crisis.
So I recently went through a long streak of days where I didn’t feel like I could pull myself from this feeling of being lost.
And then something amazing happened.
I spent the day in the forest.
It was magical.
It was restorative.
It was just what I needed.
I cannot wait to go back!
I spent the morning with a wonderful group of Mamma’s- many of whom did not know each other. Most of whom I had never met prior. And it was just amazing.
Perhaps some of you might think that the transition to parenthood is just those first few months of having a child. I would disagree.
I am still transitioning.
I am still learning what it means to be a mother.
And I am still working on discovering a way to nurture my own identity through this.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
I do know that I will be going back to the forest.
I do know that reaching out and building my village is an essential element in this process.
And I do know, that sooner or later, I need to be brave enough to fully embrace the changes that I am feeling within myself.
We live in a society where things are normal or they are not.
Well fuck that.
I will become who I am. Because my mind has already changed.
I am just still trying to catch up with it ❤