In this moment, I feel like I have made one of my worst decisions yet, since becoming a mother.
I wasn’t rash, or reactive- I took time to think about it, and contemplate the pro’s and con’s of making the decision before I acted upon it.
But right now I feel like I decided wrong.
It’s 8.07am on Saturday morning and my husband and daughter are both sleeping peacefully. I got up early to do my hair and makeup, pack my lunch, have my breakfast and prepare for the day ahead- and now I’m sitting on the couch writing this- because by some miracle they are both have an epic sleep in on the day Mummy has to go to work.
I mean go them! They deserve a nice weekend sleep in- despite the fact it’s completely out of character for Isabella to sleep so late, obviously she needs it today!
However I won’t get to spend any time with them. In fifty minutes I need to get dressed (if your wondering why I am not getting dressed now, well I may still be required to feed a toddler breakfast and nobody wants to go to work looking like I would after that!) and then leave. And I’ll be gone all day. I will fly through the door at dinner time, and worse yet, my husband will fly out- because he has a function this evening, of all days!
I feel so anxious and sad about what I will miss today.
Instead of feeling more relaxed yesterday with the weekend arriving, I felt stressed.
And it has got me thinking-
I know that I am among a small handful of parents in this current generation who has been given the opportunity to be a stay at home parent. And I still consider myself that- although I am currently working it is in such a small contract period that I really consider myself to still be a full time stay at home parent. And I love that. I know I am lucky.
But I’m thinking- how do working parents do it? I feel like they need to be recognised, and given a moment-
Sometimes it’s hard to be the one at home all day. Often it feels like there’s no connecting with the outside world or feeling like nothing has been achieved- but I still love it. It’s so worth it. I wouldn’t trade it.
But I never used to be able to imagine how hard it was to go to work every day, knowing your partner and child were going on adventures and baking and having cuddles and fun. Or knowing your child was at child care learning new things while you couldn’t be there to see.
So I’m feeling sad and anxious about leaving today- but I know that my daughter and husband will have a beautiful day out in the sunshine, enjoying each other’s company and having special father daughter moments.
And I want to say thank you.
Thank you to my husband for going to work every day, and working hard, so that I can continue to stay at home with our daughter.
Thank you to all the working parents out there who have found a way to balance both and are setting an example to our children that it is ok to want both, or to need both, or to do both.
Thank you to all the stay at home parents. I know that we work hard. Society might just see us as ‘non-working’ parents but we all know there is so much more to it than that.
And last of all, yes this was a bit of a vent, and I needed it- but I am so grateful to have this experience to see how returning to work in a more permanent capacity might impact our family.
Me again… so it’s 9.32pm. I actually enjoyed my day at work. I missed Iz like crazy, but I feel like 7 hours of constant adult interaction was beneficial to me today. Iz had a lovely day with her Daddy at the park, and I’ve now had a really special evening with her while Daddy is off at a function.
I’m not saying it was easy. Or that I want to do it every day. I’m saying that once I got there, knowing she was safe at home under the care of her father, I had a nice day. I worked with a beautiful team of people, and for the most part actually had really amazing customers today- nice!
And tomorrow, I’ll appreciate every little moment with my gorgeous little lady just that little bit more, because I know I missed them like crazy today 😘