The sky was beautiful today, and calming. And I needed that. Because today, instead of being hugely pregnant with swollen ankles and a beautiful big belly, I was starting a new job. Starting a new chapter of life that has nothing to do with extending my family, or welcoming this new baby into our lives.
We would be meeting them next month. It’s almost time.
And instead of preparing Isabella to meet her new little brother or sister and sneaking in extra Mummy-Daughter snuggles before its time to share all that love around, she was off to Family Day Care and I was off to work.
This is not where I expected to be in this stage of my life, and I’ve been struggling to adjust my expectations. It’s hard. Some days harder than others. Today was hard. Because it was like a solid marker that signified to me ‘your path has changed’.
I remember reading a quote that spoke to me at the time, and it said
‘trust the timing of your life’.
It resonated with me at the time and I found solace in it. So when I feel like this I try to remember that, to think about that. This is where I am supposed to be right now. I need to live now. Not in yesterday or tomorrow or what might have been but isn’t. So it’s easy to say that but putting those thoughts into action is more challenging.
So I cried on the way there- because I thought- what is going on? I should be preparing to meet my baby and instead I’m preparing to meet my new colleagues.
And then I cried on the way home.
Because I actually had a really lovely day. I enjoyed talking to other adults for the day. I enjoyed learning new things. I enjoyed using my skills that have been dormant for some time now.
And that made me feel guilty.
It’s like a double edged sword.
And then I came home and made dinner and took in what I could see outside. The sky was just beautiful and clear and calming and the sun was warm. I spent the evening outside with my husband and daughter feeling the fresh air, and just relished that time that we had together.
I was really present for it.
I felt it.
I needed it.
And I appreciated it so much more.
Life doesn’t always go the way that we planned. Actually I don’t think it ever really goes to plan at all.
So live each day.
Don’t miss it.