I have been meaning to start a blog for a very long time. The first time I remember being really serious about it was when I fell pregnant with my daughter. I was at my friends house, completely under whelmed by the information available to me that answered my questions the way I would have understood. Nothing was in Stacy speak. I thought, surely I am not alone in this. There MUST be other women out there who experience this! I was adamant that I was going to start it, but I didn’t. Now here I am with an almost two year old, finally sitting down at the computer with a ferocious sense of urgency pushing me to do what I have been thinking about for so long.
I have a lot to say. I have a lot to share. Most of all, I love to write. I started writing when I was very young, in various forms. I have tried my hand at poetry, song writing and short stories, and then a few years ago commenced my first novel. I have always just written for me. It is a special ritual that leaves me feeling calmer, less anxious and sometimes soothed. A little here and there has been shared amongst some of those close to me over the years, but I have never taken it any further than that and am mostly quite private with my writing.
Once I became a mother, my entire perception on life changed. Everything in my head reorganised itself and had a new level of priority. Things I once valued I suddenly found insignificant. Things I had never give a second thought to were suddenly at the forefront of my mind.
I commenced a journey of self discovery.
I want to share it.
Last year I finally decided that writing was something I wanted to take further. Let others in to see what I was working on and what I could do. I completed a foundation program at Flinders University, where I undertook a variety of different subject areas as a part of the program. It was through this course that I made this decision. A passion that had always stirred inside of me, was shared with my tutor during a creative writing exercise. The feedback that I received back from him motivated me to take this to the next level. I began working on my novel again, where I could. Planning, interviewing and putting together the plot in a lot more detail then I had previously done.
But no novel just yet. For now, its me, typing away at my computer. Sharing my thoughts with you. Building up the courage to take those next steps with my writing. Because for me, my writing is very personal. And to share a novel with anyone would be a very big step. So I will start here.
In the two and a half years that it has taken me to get this started, I have almost kicked it off so many times. But I didn’t. I always found a reason not to. After my initial motivation when I first fell pregnant in 2014, when I became a mother, whenever I experienced something significant and somewhat life changing, I meant to start. But I didn’t.
For a long time I convinced myself that I was ready, but I could not possibly start until I had decided on a name. When I fell pregnant with our second child in February, I thought I have got to get started!! Onto my second pregnancy and still I haven’t commenced something that I wanted to put into action with the first one! I decided on a name. But how could I start without any decent photos to upload? Another excuse right? And so it went on. I would need a pseudo name, what could I use?
I kept thinking that I was ready. But I wasn’t ready. I don’t need a pseudo name anymore. I can do this. I want to do this. And it is my story, not about a person with a fake name.
Last month I had a miscarriage. And I started writing about it the next day.
Because I am ready to share this story. And I am going to start there.